August 2015
My wife is always entering competitions on Good Morning Britain. She only goes in for the cash prizes because neither of us really wants to win a caravan and I certainly don't want to win a BMW because I've got a normal sized penis. You can either enter by phone or text, which of course costs money. You can also enter free on their website. I'm convinced no website entries will ever win because it's free.
Generally speaking I don't bother with competitions. Even raffles are pointless because the last time I won a raffle was a couple of years ago when I spent about £10 on raffle tickets and won some cheap £5 Whiskey miniatures. They were shit.
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 09:52 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: Facebook competition winner!
Hello
My name is hairston tina and I work with Facebook as a Senior Online Rep. How are you doing today?
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 10:09 AM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Hello Hairston Tina. Why do you have a surname as a first name and a first name as a surname? If I were you I'd take legal action. Anyway, thanks for emailing me. I don't think I've ever spoken to someone from Facebook before. It's like I'm talking to a celebrity. Actually I have spoken to several celebrities over the years and I once flipped off Olly Murs.
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 10:12 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Greetings I'm contacting you because I have good news for you from the Facebook
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 10:15 AM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Really? Please do tell me what this good news is from "the" Facebook. I'm in need of some good news because I recently embezzled some money from this gang of drug lords who force me to smuggle for them and I just found out they are coming after me with a hacksaw and a blowtorch so any good news would be most welcome right about now.
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 10:16 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Have you heard about the ongoing Facebook Online International Giveaway?
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 10:18 AM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
No. Does it have something to do with immigrants and benefits or is it something involving Facebook violating more data protection laws?
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 10:36 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
I am pleased to inform you that your name was among the 20 lucky winners who won $470,000 (Four Hundred and Seventy Thousand United States Dollars) each one on the Facebook Online International Giveaway.
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 10:38 AM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
That's fantastic. Funnily enough, that's the exact same amount I embezzled. Send me a cheque and I can pay Big Norman off which should hopefully mean he won't blowtorch off my gentleman sausage.
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 11:20 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
The online draws was conducted by a random selection of emails related to Facebook accounts you were picked by an advanced automated random computer search from Facebook in other to claim your $470,00 the Giveaway program which is a new innovation by Facebook, is aimed at saying a big thank you to all our users for making Facebook their number one means to connect, communicate, relate and hook up with their families and friends over the years.
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 11:23 AM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Fantastic. Just send me the money and say a big thanks to Mark Zuckerberg for me. To show my appreciation, I'll personally give you back $100 for some spelling and punctuation lessons.
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 11:46 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants and scam artists. All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from facebook. This promotional program takes place every two years. You may be rest assured that this is real and legal. There are some scam artists around but thanks to the FBI, 91 of them have been arrested.
Hope you understand?
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 11:51 AM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Thanks for clarifying there are some scam artists out there. It's shocking to think some people would do a thing like that and even more shocking that some people are gullible enough to fall for it. I have no such worries because I sense you are genuine and honest and this is completely legal. I am usually pretty good at telling when someone is lying to me and the Force is telling me you can be trusted. However, I'd rather you didn't mention the FBI because I'm also wanted by them for my involvement in a recent human trafficking incident. I'll explain later.
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 13:02 PM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Are you ready to claim your winnings of $470,000 now?
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 13:37 PM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Yes, just give me the damn money. I've just ordered a prostitute and some cocaine to celebrate so I'd appreciate it if you could wire me the money before they arrive please.
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 14:18 PM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Firstly, your award is attached to Lucky Number (FB-225-36), Ticket Number (FB-172-60), Batch Number (FB-02/544) and Serial Number (06-2015). Note them down now on a safe place and keep its very important. Let me know when done putting it down.
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 14:19 PM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
OK done. I've put it down in a safe place where no one will ever find it, on a note pad stuck to my fridge. Send me the money now!
From: Tina Hairston
Sent: August 12, 2015 14:33 AM
To: Eddie Hall
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Thanks. Now in order to progress with the transfer of the $470,000 into your account we need some information off you. We require your bank name account number full name number on bank card and expiry date and security number on the back.
Once we have that information we can proceed to deposit your winnings into your bank.
From: Eddie Hall
Sent: August 12, 2015 14:41 PM
To: Tina Hairston
Subject: RE: Facebook competition winner!
Excellent, well all my money is stored in a Swiss Bank account (that's in Switzerland by the way). The name of the bank account is the International Jolly Bank of Zurich. The account number is CH10 00230 00A109822346, there is no expiry date or security code because I have grade A security clearance due to being a black ops agent. Oh and the full name on the card is Jason Bourne.
You're welcome.
