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Businesses around the world have begun replacing desks, chairs, photocopiers and, in one particularly enthusiastic case, the managing director with Nvidia graphics processors after the chipmaker's latest results sent investors into another bout of AI-related excitement.

Nvidia forecast revenue growth of around 70% for its next fiscal year, prompting technology companies to immediately announce that artificial intelligence is “the future” despite having absolutely no idea what it is going to do.

“We've decided to invest heavily in AI,” announced the CEO of British stationery supplier Wessex Paper Solutions.

“What will it actually do?”

“No idea.”

“How much will it cost?”

“Everything.”

The company subsequently ordered 4,000 Nvidia processors and cancelled its annual stationery budget.

Shareholders responded enthusiastically, increasing the company's valuation by £38 million despite the business having no functioning printer.

Financial analysts have welcomed the development.

“This is incredibly exciting,” said one analyst. “We're witnessing a fundamental transformation in the global economy.”

“What does the company actually sell?”

“Paper.”

“Does AI help with that?”

“Not yet.”

Meanwhile, hundreds of firms have reportedly appointed Chief AI Officers whose primary responsibility is wandering around offices asking employees whether they have “considered using AI”.

One employee at a London insurance company said she had been instructed to use AI to answer an email from a client.

“What did you ask it?”

“How do I answer this email?”

“And?”

“It wrote an email explaining how to answer the email.”

The company has now valued the project at £14 million.

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang has described the current period as a major turning point for AI, with demand extending beyond traditional cloud providers to AI labs and other growing businesses.

Economists have warned that the extraordinary enthusiasm could eventually become excessive.

Investors responded by buying more AI stocks.

“That's not what we meant,” economists said.

Investors bought Nvidia.

At several major corporations, employees have reportedly been told that AI will eventually make their jobs easier, before being handed a spreadsheet containing 17,000 rows of data and told to “just get ChatGPT to sort it”.

Meanwhile, one small British company has taken a more cautious approach.

“We've decided not to invest in AI,” its managing director said.

“What are you investing in?”

“Two decent laptops and a kettle.”

The company's valuation immediately fell 42%.

Analysts described this as “extremely concerning”.

The kettle remains profitable.

*** DISCLAIMER: This article was written by ChatGPT. ***