Starmer Resigns Again, Just To Make Absolutely Sure

Keir Starmer has resigned as an MP, bringing to an end his political career in Westminster and leaving Britain wondering whether the former Prime Minister is capable of resigning from anything without first making it a two-part series.

Starmer announced that he would stand down from Holborn and St Pancras just weeks after being removed from Downing Street, triggering a by-election and giving his successor, Andy Burnham, the sort of welcome present normally reserved for people you don't particularly like.

The former Prime Minister said he wanted to concentrate on international affairs, defence, security, trade and technology.

This is understandable. After two years of domestic politics, Starmer presumably feels he has earned the right to spend some time somewhere where nobody can ask him about council tax, potholes or why the government has changed its mind again.

His departure also means that his famous Holborn and St Pancras seat is now up for grabs. Labour will be hoping to retain the constituency, although the Greens are reportedly eyeing it enthusiastically, having made significant gains locally.

The timing is particularly awkward for Burnham, who has barely had time to work out where the toilets are in Number 10 before discovering that his predecessor has handed him a by-election.

Burnham, meanwhile, has been busy promising a new era of “problem-solving” politics. Unfortunately, on his first appearance at Prime Minister's Questions, this rapidly evolved into the traditional Westminster formula of blaming the previous government while accusing the opposition of having done something terrible in 2022.

Political historians have described the sequence as “remarkably British”.

Experts are now predicting that Starmer may eventually make another dramatic political announcement, possibly confirming that he has resigned from the idea of ever resigning again.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Westminster, an exhausted civil servant is presumably preparing a form entitled:

**FORM 27B: Please confirm that the person who has resigned has actually resigned this time.**