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World leaders gathered for an emergency summit this week after discovering, to their considerable surprise, that bombing oil tankers tends to make petrol more expensive.

The revelation came after escalating fighting between the United States and Iran sent oil prices above $100 a barrel, prompting governments around the world to hold urgent meetings about why everything suddenly costs more.

“We genuinely had no idea,” admitted one senior diplomat, while standing beside a chart showing the price of crude oil going upwards. “We assumed the oil would simply remain where it was. Underground, presumably.”

The crisis began when the United States destroyed five Iranian oil tankers following attacks on American warships, with Iran subsequently retaliating against American and allied targets.

Officials have since spent several days explaining that the situation is “under control”, a phrase traditionally used by governments immediately before discovering that it isn't.

Economists were particularly concerned about the impact on motorists, airlines and anyone who has ever purchased anything containing plastic.

“This could cause inflation,” warned one economist.

“What caused it?” asked a politician.

“War.”

“Can we blame someone else?”

“That is normally how this works.”

Meanwhile, several governments announced emergency measures designed to reassure the public that everything was absolutely fine.

The UK reportedly considered introducing a national programme encouraging motorists to “simply walk”, before discovering that ministers themselves had never attempted this.

In Washington, President Donald Trump insisted that the United States remained committed to peace, although officials admitted that the definition of “peace” was currently being reviewed by lawyers.

Iran, meanwhile, accused the United States of aggression, before launching further attacks, leading the United States to accuse Iran of aggression, leading Iran to accuse America of aggression.

Diplomats described the situation as “extremely complicated”, although one suggested that both sides could settle the matter by simply agreeing not to shoot each other.

The suggestion was immediately rejected as “far too straightforward”.

As world markets nervously watched oil prices climb, governments urged citizens not to panic.

They then held another meeting about the price of oil.

The meeting lasted four hours.

No one knew why.